Journal Entries for SlavesNotToys:

7/7/2011 10:27:16 AM See, now this is the sort of thing I'm talking about: 'Miss I am intrigued by your profile and was wondering there was anyway I cOuld serve You. I am new but very obedient.' Are you obedient? Really? Then, why are you wasting time (mine and yours) writing to me, when my profile starts with:'Pay attention. I will not message you, I may not read your messages, and, I definitely will delete them without replying, unless you do as is required, below. That is the only way I will know you are not another waste of time.' ? It sure doesn't look like obedience to me. If you want me to believe you are obedient, or, that you have any sort of quality whatsoever, then, display that quality when you contact me.

7/7/2011 9:57:04 AM Please to note, that this story, below, is one that gets read, and, then, an assumption is generally made as to what the panties mean. The assumption could be right, or, it could be wrong. That really is the point - not that he cheated, or, she left her panties, or, he is a cross dresser, or that his mother came to spend the weekend, or, etc. It is that, too often, relationships end on assumption and intercommunication, not well known fact. So, she ... .. folded up the scrap, into another paper dragon, and left it on the windowsill, to mark her passing. The intention had been to write out a phone number, maybe some cute little note to capture his imagination. Ever since she first laid eyes on him, most of her thoughts, when they were coherent enough to be called thoughts, were centered upon finding ways to capture his imagination, his attention, his glances, his lips, the feel of his back against the palm of her hand … There she went again, day dreaming, instead of getting on with the practicalities of wooing him beyond this strange fringe of friendship they tarried on. They were not buddies, for buddies do not smolder within each other’s glances, but, they were not lovers. Before she had the cap off the pen, she spotted it, the show stopper, the deal breaker, a.k.a. the pair of devil red lacy underpants which peeped, rather timidly despite their coloring, from underneath his sofa. “Hello.” she said to the panties. “What are you doing there? And, don’t try to pretend you’re mine, as I never did enjoy that pattern of lace on you.” The panties gave no reply. It was not needed, for they had already spoken volumes. “I can’t say I’m pleased to make your acquaintance,” she told them, “which makes me sad in a way; but, I’m sure you’ll understand.” She paused, as if waiting for an answer. In truth, it was really the swirling in her brain to cease and desist; that is what she paused for, hoping reality would catch up with her again, and take her off this crazy thing. “Jane! Stop this crazy thing! Jane!” George Jetson screamed into her mind. Whenever she thought of his predicament, on most days, she felt very sorry for the man. Not so today, as she felt as almost beside herself as she felt beside him. “See here, now, panties!” she chided. “This is the deal, you see: he was mine before you came along. At least, I wanted him to be mine and I thought he might be interested in that idea, as well, and we could be each others. Now, however, unless he swoops into the room and announces his fetish for red lace underthings upon his own nether regions, I have no choice but to presume that some female person left you in her wake.” The panties thought she presumed too much, and should have made an assumption, instead; but, they kept their own counsel and let her go on as she would. They’d been in this situation before, and found it best for all if they lay quietly and let the woman have her tirade. A tirade was exactly what the woman did have, for it was not ugly enough to be a conniption, nor was it full of fists and curses enough to be considered a tantrum. It was a tirade, full and strong, though; complete with a flying vase and a c0-mingled prayer for help/oath to tear out his teeth. The panties were impressed, both by the strength and the short duration of the episode. The man, coming back from the bathroom, looked bewildered. He did not see the panties, which left them feeling a little miffed as they were quite sure they had been selected specifically to catch his eye. He did not even see the vase, or rather the pieces of what used to be the vase, where it lay about the carpet. All he saw was the woman, and what he saw filled him with so many different emotions at once that he was unable to look away, much less protect himself from the onslaught which threatened, potentially, to rain down upon him, body and soul. “Valkyrie!” thought he. Here was raging beauty, danger, wrapped up in this dainty being that he wanted, somehow, to protect, even now. Here was rain and fire, hot and cold, love and hate. He was astounded. She had considered killing him. A quick karate chop right in the middle of his forehead, which would split brain and skull in two, she imagined, would do the trick nicely. Though, she had also considered throwing him down to the floor and proving that she could do it better, whatever it had actually been and however it was best done. It was only a few seconds, but, she had considered those and much else. Then she gathered up her dignity, which was lightly shredded and faintly reminiscent of goth wear now, and wrapped it around her emotions, like the cloak it was. Then, she remembered, how she had once told him the story, back when all they did was have coffee together, of how she had learned origami in art class in Elementary school; and, how, all the way until she graduated high school, she always left something with each goodbye, a little dragon, to be remembered. It didn’t matter if it was for a funeral of a beloved pet, or her grandmother moving far away, or to say goodbye to the school when she was finally done with it. Whatever the occasion, whomever the love was for, everyone received a dragon,equally. So, …

Journal Entries for BBWDOM4MARRIAGE: Pt 3

7/11/2011 10:29:10 AM

I've tried, through many years, with many explanations of what I am seeking, to find a proper slave and I have now given up, completely. I have met two persons who might, in fact, be good work slaves, and, willing to be simply slaves, not lovers, pain sluts, sex toys, etc. Unfortunately, they are both rather far away. Two people, in all these years, is a very sad number to conclude with. Well, I shall not repine. Instead, I shall continue with my other interest, which is in a full-on romantic relationship, complete with all the best that is vanilla, and, some of the less health-threatening that is bdsm. So, what do I want? And, how will it go? Glad you asked. Unfortunately, there are a lot of variables that are possible, so, I cannot, in fact, give you a complete play-by-play of how it will go down. For instance, obviously, if you are a dominant man, who does not wish to act in a submissive capacity, it will, necessarily, go differently than if you are willing to act in a submissive capacity or if you are simply more submissive to begin with. Yes, I will consider men who are dominant, submissive, or, very service oriented with a slave attitude, if their personality is compatible with mine. I prefer to be in charge, but, that is mainly because most men that I know do it so badly. So, I am not against being in the actual traditional female role in a relationship, if the man is capable of actually being the man, and, can be trusted to lead in a competent manner. There are hard limits I have, both in things that are must haves and will not haves.  Will not have men who are: Bisexual Homosexual Cross dressers Sissies Into: water sports, scat, extreme rubber fetish, strap ons, dilation, mutilation, or extreme chastity Pain sluts Sex toys Must have men who are: possessed of a moral compass, with their own hard limits and needs attracted to me for more than my size or sexual interests willing to study the Bible and consider my beliefs capable of holding interesting and silly conversations readers, writers, or both willing to remain chaste until marriage, or, until we see that it will not work local to Tucson or willing to become local, and, able to do so very soon (at least for visits) willing to make a commitment of 3 - 6 months time, wherein we will come to know each other and wherein they will prove to me that they can serve, or otherwise care, for me, and make my life a more comfortable place to be, rather than simply expecting me to cater to their whims. willing to switch, at least sometimes, at least sexually employed, in a manner that will work for them moving to, or, living in, Tucson My life is a bit of a mess, right now. I'm only working part time, moving into a house, trying to effect repairs, looking for work, trying to get a book written, etc. Understand that I am busy, and, if you want to impress me, you won't ask for a bunch of chat time, or, beg for me to do this little only kinky  activity with you, but, you will actually consider what would be a relaxing, not being used for other's pleasures, break from the stresses of life  by way of help or entertainment. Yes, you may suggest such things as shaving my legs, massaging my feet, etc., so long as you understand that it won't be sexual (not yet), and, it will be in a house in need of cleaning, organizing, and, repair - much like its owner! lol Sexually, I can stand giving and receiving a little pain, and, I can also stand that for other reasons, such as mutually agreed upon household discipline. In fact, I am quite up on the idea of living together with an agreement as to what is hurtful, crossing the line, behavior that demands corporal punishment, and, setting those limits for both of us, as I believe it bre-eds trust and respect. .. but .. back to sexually. I am very orally inclined, especially kissing. I think kissing, earlobe nibbling, love bites, licking, sucking, are the best active bits of sex. I don't need any specific bdsm activity, but, I do like aggressive action, or submissive action, and, I can definitely switch when it comes to that. Being given orders turns me on, immensely, when done right. Giving orders turns me on, immensely, when they are followed well.  Missionary is a lovely position, not to be sneezed at; bondage is fun, spankings can be wonderful but I prefer sensual to stinging. If you don't know what I mean, maybe, if you beg, I'll show you, sometime.  Non-sexually, I need my needs met. I'm not greedy, but, there are things I definitely need out of life, to make it more comfortable and work better for me. Some of it is related to someone to do as I tell them to do, step 'n' fetch it stuff, handyman work, intensive labor; some of it is clothes and other things that cost money; and, some of it is related more to being thoughtful and interesting; some is more related to grooming. I can't tell you more specifically, without knowing what point you are entering into my life, and, what your capabilities are. And, let's be real about this. This is my profile, about my wants, needs, desires, etc. Don't write to me, asking why it's all about me, as, that is the point of having a profile. Also, if you are under the age of 33, I will not even consider you, no matter what you have going for you. 33 is 9 years younger than me. If you are over the age of 52, you'd better have one seriously charming personality, and, not look all rickety.  I do suffer from Fibromyalgia, it is true. Which means, in some respects,  I am slow, weak, foggy-headed, etc. However, be aware that my foggy-headedness, on most days, brings me down to the level of only being  a genius, or super bright, at worst. Once I was borderline normal/bright. I was really having a bad patch, that month. I forget things, a lot of things, and, I will have to ask you the same questions over again maybe. Don't confuse it with stupidity. And, don't confuse me suffering from the other symptoms as being lazy, incompetent, or, unable to defend myself. I am overweight, but, having done the fat analysis, it has been found that I have less body fat, by percentage, than many women who are much, much smaller. My weight varies, a lot, between 200 lbs - 290 lbs, depending on stress factors, or, it has done, since 2008. However, about 175 lbs of that, give or take, is solid muscle and bone. I am not, therefore, as overweight as a woman who should be 120 lbs. If I was 120 lbs, I'd be dead, or darned near to it, from starvation and loss of muscle mass. I have never been a weak little reed of a woman, and, I never will be. Of this, I am glad, so, while I do hope to lose some of the fat, you can take your judgmental attitudes on this issue elsewhere. In fact, the Fibromyalgia, and, related symptoms, is part of why I was seeking slaves. I know what needs to be done, and, how to do it - with some fine tuning of plans along the way - but, I haven't quite the time, energy, or money with which to do it - to better my health, and, incidentally, my looks.  If we are to get together, it will be that you are living here with me. I will consider you, whether you are foreign or not, but, only if you can prove you are real, if you can enter the country legally on your own, and, if you are willing to pay for a proper background check, with the provider of said background check being my choice. And, then, I stopped rambling, and, waited for the great onslaught of fantasists and bots to begin....