Journal Entries for BBWDOM4MARRIAGE: Pt 3

7/11/2011 10:29:10 AM

I've tried, through many years, with many explanations of what I am seeking, to find a proper slave and I have now given up, completely. I have met two persons who might, in fact, be good work slaves, and, willing to be simply slaves, not lovers, pain sluts, sex toys, etc. Unfortunately, they are both rather far away. Two people, in all these years, is a very sad number to conclude with. Well, I shall not repine. Instead, I shall continue with my other interest, which is in a full-on romantic relationship, complete with all the best that is vanilla, and, some of the less health-threatening that is bdsm. So, what do I want? And, how will it go? Glad you asked. Unfortunately, there are a lot of variables that are possible, so, I cannot, in fact, give you a complete play-by-play of how it will go down. For instance, obviously, if you are a dominant man, who does not wish to act in a submissive capacity, it will, necessarily, go differently than if you are willing to act in a submissive capacity or if you are simply more submissive to begin with. Yes, I will consider men who are dominant, submissive, or, very service oriented with a slave attitude, if their personality is compatible with mine. I prefer to be in charge, but, that is mainly because most men that I know do it so badly. So, I am not against being in the actual traditional female role in a relationship, if the man is capable of actually being the man, and, can be trusted to lead in a competent manner. There are hard limits I have, both in things that are must haves and will not haves.  Will not have men who are: Bisexual Homosexual Cross dressers Sissies Into: water sports, scat, extreme rubber fetish, strap ons, dilation, mutilation, or extreme chastity Pain sluts Sex toys Must have men who are: possessed of a moral compass, with their own hard limits and needs attracted to me for more than my size or sexual interests willing to study the Bible and consider my beliefs capable of holding interesting and silly conversations readers, writers, or both willing to remain chaste until marriage, or, until we see that it will not work local to Tucson or willing to become local, and, able to do so very soon (at least for visits) willing to make a commitment of 3 - 6 months time, wherein we will come to know each other and wherein they will prove to me that they can serve, or otherwise care, for me, and make my life a more comfortable place to be, rather than simply expecting me to cater to their whims. willing to switch, at least sometimes, at least sexually employed, in a manner that will work for them moving to, or, living in, Tucson My life is a bit of a mess, right now. I'm only working part time, moving into a house, trying to effect repairs, looking for work, trying to get a book written, etc. Understand that I am busy, and, if you want to impress me, you won't ask for a bunch of chat time, or, beg for me to do this little only kinky  activity with you, but, you will actually consider what would be a relaxing, not being used for other's pleasures, break from the stresses of life  by way of help or entertainment. Yes, you may suggest such things as shaving my legs, massaging my feet, etc., so long as you understand that it won't be sexual (not yet), and, it will be in a house in need of cleaning, organizing, and, repair - much like its owner! lol Sexually, I can stand giving and receiving a little pain, and, I can also stand that for other reasons, such as mutually agreed upon household discipline. In fact, I am quite up on the idea of living together with an agreement as to what is hurtful, crossing the line, behavior that demands corporal punishment, and, setting those limits for both of us, as I believe it bre-eds trust and respect. .. but .. back to sexually. I am very orally inclined, especially kissing. I think kissing, earlobe nibbling, love bites, licking, sucking, are the best active bits of sex. I don't need any specific bdsm activity, but, I do like aggressive action, or submissive action, and, I can definitely switch when it comes to that. Being given orders turns me on, immensely, when done right. Giving orders turns me on, immensely, when they are followed well.  Missionary is a lovely position, not to be sneezed at; bondage is fun, spankings can be wonderful but I prefer sensual to stinging. If you don't know what I mean, maybe, if you beg, I'll show you, sometime.  Non-sexually, I need my needs met. I'm not greedy, but, there are things I definitely need out of life, to make it more comfortable and work better for me. Some of it is related to someone to do as I tell them to do, step 'n' fetch it stuff, handyman work, intensive labor; some of it is clothes and other things that cost money; and, some of it is related more to being thoughtful and interesting; some is more related to grooming. I can't tell you more specifically, without knowing what point you are entering into my life, and, what your capabilities are. And, let's be real about this. This is my profile, about my wants, needs, desires, etc. Don't write to me, asking why it's all about me, as, that is the point of having a profile. Also, if you are under the age of 33, I will not even consider you, no matter what you have going for you. 33 is 9 years younger than me. If you are over the age of 52, you'd better have one seriously charming personality, and, not look all rickety.  I do suffer from Fibromyalgia, it is true. Which means, in some respects,  I am slow, weak, foggy-headed, etc. However, be aware that my foggy-headedness, on most days, brings me down to the level of only being  a genius, or super bright, at worst. Once I was borderline normal/bright. I was really having a bad patch, that month. I forget things, a lot of things, and, I will have to ask you the same questions over again maybe. Don't confuse it with stupidity. And, don't confuse me suffering from the other symptoms as being lazy, incompetent, or, unable to defend myself. I am overweight, but, having done the fat analysis, it has been found that I have less body fat, by percentage, than many women who are much, much smaller. My weight varies, a lot, between 200 lbs - 290 lbs, depending on stress factors, or, it has done, since 2008. However, about 175 lbs of that, give or take, is solid muscle and bone. I am not, therefore, as overweight as a woman who should be 120 lbs. If I was 120 lbs, I'd be dead, or darned near to it, from starvation and loss of muscle mass. I have never been a weak little reed of a woman, and, I never will be. Of this, I am glad, so, while I do hope to lose some of the fat, you can take your judgmental attitudes on this issue elsewhere. In fact, the Fibromyalgia, and, related symptoms, is part of why I was seeking slaves. I know what needs to be done, and, how to do it - with some fine tuning of plans along the way - but, I haven't quite the time, energy, or money with which to do it - to better my health, and, incidentally, my looks.  If we are to get together, it will be that you are living here with me. I will consider you, whether you are foreign or not, but, only if you can prove you are real, if you can enter the country legally on your own, and, if you are willing to pay for a proper background check, with the provider of said background check being my choice. And, then, I stopped rambling, and, waited for the great onslaught of fantasists and bots to begin....