Journal Entries for SlavesNotToys: Pt. 4

7/7/2011 9:28:35 AM

Good morning. I might just have air conditioning, today. Might. Since it got to be 115 degrees inside this house, at one point, and, it is seldom cooler than being outside, I look forward to the possibility.   The other night, we went to see Thor (me and my sister) at Crossroads. Telling you that, should give you locals another easy way to check my validity, by the way, if you read this sooner rather than later. It was actually a pretty nice movie.  Thing is, I think it would have been better with more story to it and being spread out into two movies, as that was rather a lot to be stuffed into one movie. So, as per usual, you get someone telling you there is emotional content, without seeing much by way of proof.   So, what I think, is that they should have had the first movie be his arrogant trodding about, well meaning but arrogant and immature, and, everything that led to his being tossed down to Earth. Then, another movie all about him trying to get back, and, inadvertently falling for a science geek.Of course, that may, mostly be, because I want to see more of the man who played Thor. He's really amazing to look at. I'm not even talking about lust - though I could see why that would happen - but, he's beautiful, and, has this amazing child-like innocence to his smile. Very good job on him being picked to play Thor, as it's pretty hard to believe he actually comes from the same planet as most of us.     'Not Tonight! A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex..' I just read on the profile of a man who claims to be dominant (I make no judgments as to if he is or no). It was part of a list of facts.  This is the one that I felt really needs to be addressed, as, it is wrong in that it fails to take certain things into account.  Come to think of it, there is another one like it, which mentions how having an orgasm helps menstrual flow, that can be addressed at the same time.    Now, it is very true that having an orgasm can work wonders for a female. However, the majority of sex that is had, except maybe with oneself, is not geared toward sexually exciting a woman to the point of orgasm, and, generally, it just gets frustrating and makes headaches worse, now being accompanied by a belly ache or other distress.   Women, you know, do get 'blue balls' too, except it happens up in their lower abdomen. Trapped blood flow from continual excitement that is never quite seen through. After a while of that, it becomes virtually impossible for them to have an orgasm, because, the body knows there is no point.     And, yes, I meant what I said about it not being geared toward women, and, yes, that is true even when the woman has a man that she can order to do this and this. ' This and this' is not the most exciting component of sex. Actual passion, desire for the woman instead of just the act, sweet and/or dirty talk, praises that have some basis in reality, pursuit that shows true desire, are for more important than a piston-like thrust or a willing tongue, especially since - sorry boys, but, it has to be said - most of you couldn't  screw your way out of a paper bag.     I've had sex with s-types, I've had sex with D-types.  Sex with vanilla people is generally better, as  they usually spend less time telling you how wonderful they are and how lucky you are to have them, and, more time at least pretending to find you attractive.  They don't make a lot of false promises, just the one that it will be good for you. So, yeah, sex with them is generally better.    There were two guys I had sex with, where I can honestly say it would have been good enough to clear up a headache, if, in both cases, a roommate hadn't kept interrupting by banging on the door and/or yelling at us, out of jealousy.  One of them, though, only would have worked the once, and, then, his true personality would have come out, anyway.  The other one, he was just a little sweetheart, who was always glad to see me, to the point of annoying any other woman he was talking with, at the point where I walked in the door.   And, there was one guy, who, without even thinking he was a D-type, managed to do horribly lovely things to my nerve endings, even though he lived several thousand miles away, wasn't talking dirty, didn't have a camera on, and, no one was touching themselves at all. He just had that sort of personality, and, I trusted him, loved him, and, he said one of those things that just smacks of inherent right to be bossy - the way friends and family have, and, sometimes, a lover.     Everyone else, no matter how technically good their actions were, were duds, because,  it was obvious they were only interested in flesh, and, flesh is boring, except as an accompaniment.  Kind of like the same way that most people who love barbecued beef or hot fudge sundaes, don't want just a bowl of the topping.    Now, there are techniques which make it more likely that sex will be fun, mind you, even when it is just boring flesh rubbing together. However, most people don't know the most important ones, when it comes to women, and, apparently, many people don't know some of the most important ones for men, either.    I can give you a hint: It has nothing to do with pounding, stretching, dilating, or, inflicting. And, it's not something that 'Only people of the same sex could know how to pleasure each other' with. I know. I've talked to enough of them to recognize rampant cluelessness.   It all goes back to thinking of others, understanding, and, choosing to pursue quality over quantity. If one's motivation is to give pleasure to the person one is with, and, one is allowed to play and be curious, one is far more likely to discover such things.    Unfortunately, sex has become mostly a selfish act, where even the alleged pursuit of another's pleasure is about racking up points for positions and techniques learned, rather than the enjoyable, lovely, sharing thing it should be.   Being engaged in lovely, enjoyable sharing, is good for the blood flow and helps prevent headaches.    Being involved in wild, kinky, enjoyable, lovely sharing does it, too.   Sex, just sex - that's just another reason to need to shower and have an STD check.

Journal Entries for BBWDOM4MARRIAGE: Pt 3

7/11/2011 10:29:10 AM

I've tried, through many years, with many explanations of what I am seeking, to find a proper slave and I have now given up, completely. I have met two persons who might, in fact, be good work slaves, and, willing to be simply slaves, not lovers, pain sluts, sex toys, etc. Unfortunately, they are both rather far away. Two people, in all these years, is a very sad number to conclude with. Well, I shall not repine. Instead, I shall continue with my other interest, which is in a full-on romantic relationship, complete with all the best that is vanilla, and, some of the less health-threatening that is bdsm. So, what do I want? And, how will it go? Glad you asked. Unfortunately, there are a lot of variables that are possible, so, I cannot, in fact, give you a complete play-by-play of how it will go down. For instance, obviously, if you are a dominant man, who does not wish to act in a submissive capacity, it will, necessarily, go differently than if you are willing to act in a submissive capacity or if you are simply more submissive to begin with. Yes, I will consider men who are dominant, submissive, or, very service oriented with a slave attitude, if their personality is compatible with mine. I prefer to be in charge, but, that is mainly because most men that I know do it so badly. So, I am not against being in the actual traditional female role in a relationship, if the man is capable of actually being the man, and, can be trusted to lead in a competent manner. There are hard limits I have, both in things that are must haves and will not haves.  Will not have men who are: Bisexual Homosexual Cross dressers Sissies Into: water sports, scat, extreme rubber fetish, strap ons, dilation, mutilation, or extreme chastity Pain sluts Sex toys Must have men who are: possessed of a moral compass, with their own hard limits and needs attracted to me for more than my size or sexual interests willing to study the Bible and consider my beliefs capable of holding interesting and silly conversations readers, writers, or both willing to remain chaste until marriage, or, until we see that it will not work local to Tucson or willing to become local, and, able to do so very soon (at least for visits) willing to make a commitment of 3 - 6 months time, wherein we will come to know each other and wherein they will prove to me that they can serve, or otherwise care, for me, and make my life a more comfortable place to be, rather than simply expecting me to cater to their whims. willing to switch, at least sometimes, at least sexually employed, in a manner that will work for them moving to, or, living in, Tucson My life is a bit of a mess, right now. I'm only working part time, moving into a house, trying to effect repairs, looking for work, trying to get a book written, etc. Understand that I am busy, and, if you want to impress me, you won't ask for a bunch of chat time, or, beg for me to do this little only kinky  activity with you, but, you will actually consider what would be a relaxing, not being used for other's pleasures, break from the stresses of life  by way of help or entertainment. Yes, you may suggest such things as shaving my legs, massaging my feet, etc., so long as you understand that it won't be sexual (not yet), and, it will be in a house in need of cleaning, organizing, and, repair - much like its owner! lol Sexually, I can stand giving and receiving a little pain, and, I can also stand that for other reasons, such as mutually agreed upon household discipline. In fact, I am quite up on the idea of living together with an agreement as to what is hurtful, crossing the line, behavior that demands corporal punishment, and, setting those limits for both of us, as I believe it bre-eds trust and respect. .. but .. back to sexually. I am very orally inclined, especially kissing. I think kissing, earlobe nibbling, love bites, licking, sucking, are the best active bits of sex. I don't need any specific bdsm activity, but, I do like aggressive action, or submissive action, and, I can definitely switch when it comes to that. Being given orders turns me on, immensely, when done right. Giving orders turns me on, immensely, when they are followed well.  Missionary is a lovely position, not to be sneezed at; bondage is fun, spankings can be wonderful but I prefer sensual to stinging. If you don't know what I mean, maybe, if you beg, I'll show you, sometime.  Non-sexually, I need my needs met. I'm not greedy, but, there are things I definitely need out of life, to make it more comfortable and work better for me. Some of it is related to someone to do as I tell them to do, step 'n' fetch it stuff, handyman work, intensive labor; some of it is clothes and other things that cost money; and, some of it is related more to being thoughtful and interesting; some is more related to grooming. I can't tell you more specifically, without knowing what point you are entering into my life, and, what your capabilities are. And, let's be real about this. This is my profile, about my wants, needs, desires, etc. Don't write to me, asking why it's all about me, as, that is the point of having a profile. Also, if you are under the age of 33, I will not even consider you, no matter what you have going for you. 33 is 9 years younger than me. If you are over the age of 52, you'd better have one seriously charming personality, and, not look all rickety.  I do suffer from Fibromyalgia, it is true. Which means, in some respects,  I am slow, weak, foggy-headed, etc. However, be aware that my foggy-headedness, on most days, brings me down to the level of only being  a genius, or super bright, at worst. Once I was borderline normal/bright. I was really having a bad patch, that month. I forget things, a lot of things, and, I will have to ask you the same questions over again maybe. Don't confuse it with stupidity. And, don't confuse me suffering from the other symptoms as being lazy, incompetent, or, unable to defend myself. I am overweight, but, having done the fat analysis, it has been found that I have less body fat, by percentage, than many women who are much, much smaller. My weight varies, a lot, between 200 lbs - 290 lbs, depending on stress factors, or, it has done, since 2008. However, about 175 lbs of that, give or take, is solid muscle and bone. I am not, therefore, as overweight as a woman who should be 120 lbs. If I was 120 lbs, I'd be dead, or darned near to it, from starvation and loss of muscle mass. I have never been a weak little reed of a woman, and, I never will be. Of this, I am glad, so, while I do hope to lose some of the fat, you can take your judgmental attitudes on this issue elsewhere. In fact, the Fibromyalgia, and, related symptoms, is part of why I was seeking slaves. I know what needs to be done, and, how to do it - with some fine tuning of plans along the way - but, I haven't quite the time, energy, or money with which to do it - to better my health, and, incidentally, my looks.  If we are to get together, it will be that you are living here with me. I will consider you, whether you are foreign or not, but, only if you can prove you are real, if you can enter the country legally on your own, and, if you are willing to pay for a proper background check, with the provider of said background check being my choice. And, then, I stopped rambling, and, waited for the great onslaught of fantasists and bots to begin....

When it come to marriage ...

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