Conversation with a slave/sub type, posted for the sake of those who are reading my journal to learn, either to know more about me or to know more about themselves. If you are not one of these people, feel free to ignore it. I don't demand your attention, but, I do give advice to those who want it.
Mistress Arletta:You sound very interesting. Pity about the occultism and not being relocatable. I like your attitude, as expressed. I hope you find someone who fulfills your need to be a slave.
Slave/sub:Thank You for Your kind words. Indeed, I'm only interested in local dommes, but I love getting to know people no matter where they are :). Now, I must look at my profile again when I have a moment. I have an interest in the occult, but it's 'just one of those things'. I should make sure I haven't expresses more of an interest than is there :). Thank You again for Your kind note. I hope You, too, find what You seek. I also hope we can still converse, and that our paths might cross in the future. Nice people, like You, are rare enough in the BDSM world, I regret to say.
Mistress Arletta:
Well, thank you. I don't know how intense your interest is in the occult - I just know how intensely I would like to avoid having it be a part of my life lol Yes, you are right: nice people are rare. Not sure I qualify, but, I'll take it and thank you, again.
Slave/sub:
Nice Dominant women in the BDSM world are very rare. At least, around here! Maybe it's the lousy weather we get around here?
Mistress Arletta:
Maybe it's the fact that I keep being turned down by potential slaves because they think I am not dominant, since I am not screaming at them, calling them filthy demands, or otherwise acting like a spoiled bitch in heat? Most men expect, and demand, abuse and sex, and they do not believe a woman can really just have a dominant personality, otherwise. Most men are twonks. So are women. Yet, some, of both sexes, can give one hope.
Slave/sub:
'Twonks'? That's my new favorite word of the day! I think that the BDSM world becomes a giant echo chamber. Women can be unpleasant and get away with it. Men start expecting that. Men get nowhere and stop really trying, becoming jerks. Women get so accustomed to that that they treat all men that way, making them more unpleasant. But, we keep trying. And we jeep searching.
Mistress Arletta:
Well, I would say it is the other way around; but, then, that is because I keep getting men trying to force me to be unpleasant. That's the way it has always been, even if they are looking for submissive women or just a girlfriend. Men tend to like nasty women. Not strong minded women, not strong bodied women - not usually - just bitchy, rude, money grasping women who would cheat on them quicker than a wink. They either want to submit to them or they want to subdue them. What they have no time for is intelligent, strong minded, strong bodied, reasonable women. So, yes, if I wanted to just find someone to do what I wanted, and I had no moral issues with it, I would go and call someone a few names, threaten to stick something up their butt, and, voila!: my bills would be paid, I would be ever so much healthier and prettier, my ex-husband would be beat up for being mean to me, and all would be lovely in my life, except for that amazing lack of conscience and tact. I like having a conscience. It keeps me entertained on those otherwise lonely nights.
Slave/sub: I'm enjoying our conversation. My afternoon is a bit frazzled, but I promise I'll reply in a few hours!
Mistress Arletta:
Yes, well, I should be doing lots and lots of work, but, I have viruses, thanks to some jerk or another on this site. There's some person who claims to be from New York who has many profiles and sends out nasty viruses. Sometimes, unfortunately, he also claims to be from other places, or I would just avoid New York people. I have reported him, but, support never listens. So, my afternoon is very frazzled. See you later!
Slave/sub:
Hi, Ma'am! i'm finally home from work, so i can actually read Your profile and not try to write notes to You on my phone!
i can see what You are talking about, where men are demanding a certain sort of behavior to fit their image of a Domme. Is it really any different than a man expecting the Domme to dress in tight leather? Or a man with a lengthy lists of things he wants You to force him to do? These all have one thing in common: relationships, getting to know each other, are not the topic of interest. That's not from where i come. i love to play, too . . . but i want to get to know the person first and during and after.
i have a silly question: how did someone send You a virus on CM? i've never encountered that!
Mistress Arletta:
I don't know how someone sends viruses. If I did, I would be a far more dangerous person than I am now. Rahahahha. No, I still wouldn't be. I would just have a less messed up computer. See, I have issues with all of it. A man who is going to be submissive or a slave should not be making any such demands at all. I find it ludicrous that, in the main, the relationships stay exactly the same, and so do the outfits, regardless of what the sex is of the person claiming to be dominant in the relationship. The best way to determine if a woman is truly dominant, versus only pretending or only sexually, is to check her shoes, how many layers of makeup she has on, etc. Leaving room for interpretation by personality, profession, etc. I pretty much never wear makeup. When I do, it's because I want to. Otherwise, I don't, because I don't have to, just to feel like I have a face. And, most of the time, most people do not even notice. When they do, they are usually women, and they say things like 'I wish I had the confidence to do that.' And, yet, they often are the ones who think they are dominant. If you are a dominant female, you have the confidence to do that. Or, to dress up instead. Or, whatever. And, you are probably wearing comfortable shoes. I've never had to wear makeup and heels to attract attention. I have had to eschew them to limit it, though.
Slave/sub:
do agree with You. Many people in the BDSM world have never 'done anything'. They've thought about it forever, but they haven't actually done anything. As a result, they don't really know what they want. They think what they want is a woman to dress a certain way . . . they want certain acts, they want to be spoken to in a certain way. In reality, they don't know what they want at all. The problem is that these people don't seem to realize they don't know what they want. Many of whom suffer from that lovely combination of 'too little clue' combined with 'too loud a voice'!
For me: i seek a woman with whom i can have a conversation. That's usually, in my eyes, a good start. :-)
Mistress Arletta:
That's a very good start. Having much luck with that? I've just had some nasty emails from a man who is local who says he is upset because I am unclear on what I want and obviously deceitful; but, in reality, he is a cross dresser and he knows I don't want one, so he is acting out. (sigh) Why do people take me making a choice of what I do or do not want as a slave as a personal insult? Why can't they just accept that what it means is we are not compatible and, then, move on?
Slave/sub:
It doesn't work well at all for me, given that I remain unattached. I've heard many people describe that sort of thing: a simple 'I'm not interested' turning into huge personal insults. I don't quite understand this mindset, except to say it is SO frustrating as a male in the bdsm world! We are a dime a dozen, and finding anyone -- let alone the right woman -- can take so much out of a person! Not a justification or excuse, of course.
Mistress Arletta:
Yes, but .. I did not tell him I'm not interested. My profile says that if what you are into falls under my hard limits, not to waste our time, or something like that. Cross dressing is on there. We were not emailing each other, or anything. I had zero intention of personally rejecting him, as I did not know he existed.If we had been in contact, I would understand it .. better.
Slave/sub:
By the way, on a little tangent, a LOT of dommes don't like cross dressers. 99% of the time, if I see a domme that shows an interest in cross dressers, she is a 'pro' and needs to do this because of clients (pro dommes are often guided by what customers seek). One domme once remarked to me 'what is so humiliating about wearing a dress? I wear a dress every day!'
Mistress Arletta:
From my viewpoint, well, for one thing I am not a domme. I realize that, for some people, it just means any dominant female, but, in point of fact, it refers to dominatrices, who are not necessarily dominant by personality. They are women who sexually dominate their partners and playmates, and, usually for money. I am a Mistress, because I am the head of my household, always have been ever since I was an adult, and so I shall continue. But, that is a totally different tangent, and, most of the time I don't care, because I know the titles get interchanged, quite frequently, regardless of walk of life, around here.I find cross dressers offensive. I have no qualms with men who are pretty, who want to put on makeup, who love to wear shiny satin things, or etc. It is no more natural or unnatural than when a woman does it. However, women do it to enhance their femininity, and their femininity is natural, because they are women and that is what being feminine means.I am equally offended by women who simper, dress in sexy outfits, act brainless and prattle about how great it is to be feminine, because, they, like the men who do these things, have reduced the strength and beauty of the female sex into a gross caricature. In the case of the men, however, they are also denying the strength and beauty of their own sex, instead of enhancing it. People are too wonderfully made for that sort of shenanigans. Besides, most cross dressers try to compete with women, and that's just wrong and weird. We get enough of that from other women.What really, really offends me is T-girls, because they outright claim to be straight women on a lot of sites, and there are men who are looking for T-girls claiming to be straight men, and that makes it very, very hard to find someone to talk to if you are really just a heterosexual man or woman looking for your counterpart of the opposite sex. Besides, high heels be damned, those boys have not put in the time or pain that comes with being female. When they pick up a guy, they do have to worry about being beat up, sure, for not being what he wants. However, so do women. On top of that, they have to worry about cancer of the uterus, cancer of the cervix, periods, PMS, possible pregnancies .. so, unless those men want someone to cut them open, implant a baby so that they can get stretch marks and permanently altered hip structure, etc.; or, unless they want someone to stop by and stab them in the lower back every month for a week or two, so they have some concept of the pain and trauma that is associated with being a woman, they should just not their silly shite off!
Slave/sub:
I've heard similar arguments about that: until he has to deal with PMS, what business does a man have to speak of his own femininity? :). But You have a very good point that most cross-dressers are trying to dress and act like a caricature of what it means to be feminine. I suspect this is because in the BDSM world, cross dressing is about humiliation. The humiliation is about losing ones masculinity. As a result, the whole thing becomes about taking something away, not about enhancing anything.
Mistress Arletta:
But, to me, it does not insult him - it insults femininity. Anyway, if someone likes doing it, it is hardly being forced. So, yes, what is so humiliating about wearing a dress? She is right. It would only be humiliating if you made them do it in front of their family or something, who were not aware and who would be shocked, and that would be mean to people who made no agreement to be treated that way; or, it would be humiliating for a man who was absolutely against it. And, I have done that to men, who kept saying 'Why don't you get all dolled up?' and 'It's not that hard to keep your stocking straight, your makeup and hair 'done', and to walk in high heels and it enhances the mood, so there is no excuse to not do it. Women have to be men's fantasies.' Yep, I have taken some of those men and forced them to wear women's clothes, keep their makeup and hair done, walk around in high heels, and act like they think women should act in public, so they would have some clue of what they were talking about. They were not so much humiliated, as horribly frustrated, broke from all the money that goes into it, and with painful feet.
Slave/sub:
I knew one woman that was a Domme that lived with her sub boyfriend. He used to cross-dress a lot, and she got SO annoyed that he could handle heels better than she could! Ultimately, there is nothing humiliating about wearing a dress, in and of itself. It can, however, be quite erotic in the right mindset, with a couple that shares this together. But, a man demanding 'make me wear a dress, dammit, so I can feel humiliated' is a bit silly! I do recall an experience that was not humiliating, but humbling. I have been put in a maid's uniform at various times when dommes have me do maid service. The simple uniform puts me in a mindset that I am a servant, here to serve. Not humiliating, as I said, but humbling: something very different.
Mistress Arletta:
Yes, well, I no longer deal in generalizations. That is to say, it does me no good to say 'Some people like it.' as I am not here to find out what some people like. I am here to find what suits me and cross dressers do not suit me. I would not find it erotic, I would find it insulting and I would throw the baggage out.Besides, I believe with God there is some leeway, due to circumstances (ie:David eating the loaves of presentation), but, those circumstances truly have to warrant it, and he says not to dress as a man if you are a woman, or vice versa. Obviously, a man who wakes up to find himself dumped in the desert, nude, should not eschew the dress when it is proffered by the helpful group of ladies traveling through. That is a very good reason to wear a dress, even though you think it is wrong.I have to think it is wrong, because I believe in God and he says it is wrong, and, in most cases, he is provably right, since most men who dress like women sexually confuse themselves and other men and this adherence to assuming the visual aspect of 'femininity' is what makes someone feminine hurts the relations between the sexes, promotes useless selfish sex above love and companionship, and generally helps screw up entire societies. The proof being that the entire societies are screwed up and very few people have any clue, anymore, who or what they really are.However, there is this weird little desert tribe where, every so often - I can't remember if it is every 5 years, once a year, or what - all the men put on excessively odd makeup and robes (they look like desert dwelling drag queens) and perform very weird dances and facial tic sort of movements (think Tina Turner as the Acid Queen in Tommy) in the hopes of enticing women to them, and, then, later, they come around on camels and steal the women away from their home, if the woman wants to go. Now, those men are doing much the same thing, by way of dressing, as the men who are cross dressers. The difference is that they are not denying that they are men, or trying to sexually confuse anyone, or wearing women's clothes so as to even inadvertently cause that sexual confusion. They are just being men, as men should be, according to their ways. So, it is not what you wear, so much, as WHY you wear it. Also, there is the fact that part of being a Dom, Domme, Master, Mistress, etc. is to teach and guide the other person to being a better, more capable version of themselves. Now, there is nothing about abusing someone's mind, making them feel bad about themselves, that can possibly be construed as teaching them and guiding them to be a better person.Better can be construed in several ways - but, if you are making them into something that is non-functional without you, or a total outcast in society, or a caricature, or in denial of their own true, born natural state of being, then what you are doing, whatever it is, is not something that can possibly be construed as 'better'.People always ask 'Well, what do you do for me?' and to some extent they are right to ask that, because there is no good reason to put yourself into the hands of someone who is simply going to use your money, ruin your mental and physical health, and, then, toss you aside when you can no longer play to their satisfaction. Those people are not Masters of anything. They have nothing to teach, they have nowhere to guide you, and they will not make your life better, in any fashion. However, what truly dominant people do for slaves and submissives is rather subtle and hard to explain. It is not so much that they perform a specific task, usually; it is that, by their strength, they become a most excellent catalyst, focal point, touch stone, sounding board .. they are a strength to turn to, with rules to bind you in and keep you safe from the world when it is too much, and someone to care for the opinion of beyond all others - but, not so that they can send you out to a Qwik Stop with cum on your face, and you feel good about making other people uncomfortable; but, so you can move more confidently in society, knowing that, whatever anyone else thinks, you are doing the right thing and you know it, because they have told you that it is so and your goal is to please them by what you do.Therefore, sometimes, there are things that are needed - again, not specific activities, but, more, things that bring about specific feelings - from time to time, for the sake of helping the slave or submissive remember that they should, can, and do please this person whom they belong to. That is why it is good, for instance, to sometimes cage a slave, so that they learn to wait with patience and that they can do this; or, to make them hold a position, so that they learn that they do have endurance; or , whip them, so that they know they can endure pain to reach a desired goal. That goal, in that case, being the knowledge that they endured, that they were brave, and that they pleased their owner. But, it translates into the work environment, into self confidence, into being bold enough to raise a hand and say ' I have an idea.' when you are sure your idea is worth sharing. That's what they should be doing for slaves and submissives. So, that, if the slave or submissive moves on, or the owner is tired of them and moves on, or the owner is ill or dies, this person who has served them is a more whole, better person, who has the wherewithal to brave the world by themselves and take care of business. Even if the owner is no longer there, they have the memories of the rules, the sayings, the activities that helped make them a better, stronger, more capable person to help them along. So, just like with cross dressing, it is all about emphasis and most people's emphasis is misguided, at best. Which, if that's what they are into, is their problem. My problem is finding people who have the right emphasis, as I am very tired of slaves who think it is all about being broken down, tortured, abused, and abandoned - and, yet, still hope for love and romance, and walks in the sunset. (sigh)I find men in stockings, by the way, enormously attractive. In the Rocky Horror Picture Show, I am totally enamored of Tim Curry's character, when he is prancing around in stockings and a garter belt, with his nipples showing, looking all manly. Then, he puts on a dress that has funny bumps around the chest area, and I lose all interest.So, if a man were to tell me he wants to wear stockings, a garter belt and matching panties, I would be relatively okay with that. If he wants to stuff a bra, call himself Cynthia, and giggle girlishly at me, I have no use for him. |
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