The Dramatic Saga of the Iles Chaudes Folles (rough draft part 3)

Jenkins threw down the leg, clambered to his feet,  and stood his ground. The ground wished Jenkins would go away, but, he stood it, anyway.

“Look here, Englishman. We've had enough of your kind. I don't want to hear your filth talk, about your fish and chips or which deity should save what bit of royalty or nothing. I want you to get back on your long boat, row your happy English butt back to the ship, and forget about this little island.”

“Here's the thing ..Jenkins, is it?”

“Yeah, it's Jenkins. What of it?'

“Here's the thing, Jenkins. You lit a fire, apparently trying to lure us in. So, in we came. You really haven't a leg to stand on with this complaint, no matter how many you have stolen from your ne're do well companions.” quipped the Englishman.

“No, here's the thing.” said Jenkins. “It was never you we were after. So we don't want you, we didn't invite you onto this here island, and you need to go.”

“Oh, but, my good man, I believe you did invite us to this island by your signaling our ship.” replied the Englishman. “I believe I'll build a nice hut of my own, over there.”

“No you wont, because ..” began Jenkins.

“Yes, yes, a lovely hut. Out of bricks. Red bricks.”

“I said you won't, because..”

“With a balustrade. There must be a lovely balustrade.”

 As Jenkins well knew, the English were much like vampires, in that they were pasty pale, stayed up until all hours, slept all day given the chance, ate blood, and had an insatiable appetite for sucking the energy out of everyone they met. However, where they topped the vampires in badness lay in the fact that, while you must invite a vampire in to your home, or step out of it into their vicinity, to become their victims, with the English, all you had to do was fail to keep them out, and the invitation became real to them, though it be purely a figment of their imagination.
 
At the word balustrade, he gave up hope, turned tail and ran, yelling to the pirates “All is lost. All is lost. Give up the island, boys. Into the canoes and every man for himself.”