Last message to Kamchat 7-27-2011 (there will be cussing)

I've decided that I quite hate Stuart

I joined Twitter only to find him there, on my daughter's list. Doesn't have a photo, but, it is obviously him, seeing as how it's a dude talking about motorbikes, riding them blind and trying to find sponsors, being tall and crippled and in the dark, etc. It's not really significant that he is on her list, however, except that it reminded me that he exists. And, the more I am reminded of it, the more I just get pissed off, that he can be so nice to other people and, yet, couldn't even be bothered to tell me to fuck off, or, anything, after 8 years of this shite. I didn't even rate a goodbye.

And, when I think about that, I think about the fact that I have all these paintings, drawings, essays, poems of him, about him, to him and I asked him several times to just sign a release saying that it was all right for me to use his name, his likeness, that sort of thing. And, he never did. He said I should trust him.

Well, obviously, I can't trust him. And, now, I'm back to needing a release, or, I have to destroy them all, because, I can't risk being sued by someone who doesn't give a shite about me or them. And, that's .. to me, that's the worst part.

He even told me, one time when we actually had a real discussion, how important art is, to the individual person, the culture, history.. and, yet, mine, of him, is worth nothing to him. It's not worth the time it would take to print off a piece of paper, sign it and scan it back in and email it or just mail it to me, so that I don't have to destroy them.

And, for that, especially for that, I hate him.

He wants to think I'm a complication, or a liar, or a whore, or whatever he does think - or just not think of me at all - fine! But, there is no excuse for wanton destruction of artwork or gifts, or, especially, both.

How bad am I, how horrible does he think I am, that he can't even want them to exist, a little, be a little flattered?

So, yeah, I'm done. I hate him. Kindly pass that message on to him. And, tell him to fuck himself, he can take me to court over them. I'm not destroying years of work, just because he can't be bothered to keep his word. I'll drag it out for years, I'll go to jail, whatever. I won't destroy my artwork because he's a fuck nut who hates me.

I don't know what I will do with it, as I can't stand to look at them, since they remind me of him and everything they remind me of is a lie concocted by him or someone else.

Goodbye, Kam. It's been lovely knowing you, such as it has been.

I do mean it, though. Please, tell him this. All of it.

I won't bug you, again.