Journal Entries for MarriageWanted:

6/14/2011 9:48:13 AM Well, the someone I met is gone, I guess. I left the site, he did not follow. He is not why I am back, though. It's that someone who wants to be a slave did follow, after I rejected him as anything else, and, this is the best site for us to interact on in the manner we need to.

6/13/2011 8:36:40 AM I met someone on here. No, it's not serious; we just met. But, it looks good, so far.

6/12/2011 3:11:09 PM Hmmph .. I just tried to post a journal entry with photos and I got a 404 Error for my troubles. Pity it was not 409. It could have done my windows!

6/11/2011 3:33:25 AM I was attacked in the grocery store, today, by three young men who frequent this site. First, it started out with them recognizing me, pointing me out to each other, laughing about me being on this site (as if they could possibly have known this about me, without having been on it, themselves). Then, after I retaliated, by laughing right back at them, I went out to the parking lot to wait for the person I had come to see. Those young men came out, shortly thereafter, started cracking wise and laughing, again, so, I laughed right back at them, again, and, then they proceeded to circle the vehicle I was in, yelling threats and curses.  Tonight, on both my profiles, I have logged in to find numerous messages from several profiles of young males in the Tucson area, harping on about my weight, how much their cock does not want me, and, all sorts of other things I have no  interest in hearing about from immature persons who seem to have nothing better to do than gang up to threaten females, and, otherwise, display their solid lack of control, publicly. As it is, I'm fairly certain that they are the same young men who I rejected, last night and the night before, who were seeking wild sexcapade action. Guess for some 'submissive' males, it is unthinkable that a woman might find them less than desirable. Well, get over it. It happens to the best of us!  Rest assured, boys, it was not your looks. It was your ugly personality.

6/9/2011 7:36:12 PM When I say switch, it's mainly in relation to sex, where I like a good lot of variety. It is , also, however, that I am seeking the right man, not just the one who will bluster or cringe becomingly. I am dominant by nature, but, I am, also, a woman,  and, I want a man, with decent self esteem, confidence, protective instinct, inner strength, and, all those things that make men so very manly, indeed.  It's easier, though,  to tell you what I am not seeking, than what I am. An over-the-top 24/7 fantasy of pain. humiliation, begging, etc.  Absolute control over every aspect of wardrobe, friends, free time, etc. Always being right, without question Total pampering, total devotion, without reciprocation I don't want to be on the giving end of those things, as I have a life, a family, things to write, ideas to hatch, emergencies to worry over, whims to indulge ... I  do not want to be on the receiving end of those things, for the same reasons, more or less. When I say MarriageWanted, I mean: marriage wanted. Marriage is a joint venture, a sharing, a pledge to put the other person before all others for the rest of your life, and, to do your utmost to please them, while, also, trusting in them to love you and to reciprocate your affection, devotion, and, actions, to please you. I am also not seeking: Bad conversations, fraught with too many titles, bad punctuation, and, devoid of honest opinion People unhappy with their own sex, for whatever reason. Weak character A lack of moral fiber Substitution of money or sex for personality. So, what is left? Love, honesty, trust, good conversation, mutual agreement of lifestyle choices, the seeking of each other's company and pleasure, the right to make informed requests or give informed orders, rules to live by, the mutual progressive building up of esteem, helping each other to reach goals, sharing, playing, laughing ...  Be a real man, who knows himself, and, who does not wish to dwell in fear or misery; someone who can let the woman be herself, instead of trying to force her to play the role of whore, goddess, school girl, daughter, or, etc.   Be real. Understand that a relationship is 24/7, but, sex, kinky fun, and, all that, wax and wane throughout life. Want a life, not a lifestyle that flames hot at the beginning only to quickly burn itself back out again. Expect a world built on love, laughter, reading, creating, and, positive things.  Until there is that, in possibility, there is no point in discussing who spanks whom, why, duration of play, or, what else one is into- except, of course, for what one never will be into. I have owned slaves, and, trained slaves for others, in the past. The training was on protocol, listening, prompt obedience, learning the ways of your own master and the individuals who visit him, cleanliness of home, personal hygiene, politely bringing up ideas or situations (when necessary), that conflict with your orders and other forms of diplomacy, building up of strength of mind/body/character, practicing the art of being pleasantly on display, practicing the art of being unobtrusive, cooking, shopping, balancing of checkbooks, and, a million and one other things that go toward making the life of an owner more pleasant.  There were a few times that I served as a slave, and, also, as a wife and mother. So, yes, I know both sides of the coin, and, I know that I can either enjoy, or, abhor, either side, depending on who is submitting to me, or, expecting me to submit to them. I, also, know that what is really fulfilling, really good for a relationship, is not the deep, blind submission (which can be fun, from time to time), but, the quiet, confident deference that is born out of love and respect.  It is not that I would no longer accept a slave, because, I would, if the right one came along. It is that the right one would be a person who wished to be trained for, and, used for, work and entertainment that fits into my personal lifestyle, as an enhancement to my enjoyment of life.  Yet, so far, what I have come across, that is available, are men who want to tell me exactly how I should use them and give them guarantees as to performing certain acts for their pleasure, even though those acts would be a disruption, not an enhancement, of my life. Fantasists, in other words, who think a relationship is based on beatings, screaming fits, and, badly unhygienic sex acts.  If you are a slave type, who wants what I described, above, in regards to training,and, fully understands that your sex life is not part of my world, then, by all means, do approach and let us talk. I will train you in the basics of good protocol, to my life specific, and, I will have you trained to the lives of others as practice, as well. That is the only sort of training a slave needs. When one is talking about whipping, spanking, sex acts, etc., the 'training' is not really training, it is simply having kinky fun. I am open to kinky fun, of a non-sexual nature, with slaves, as part of a greater discipline or as reward. Anything sexual, you'll have to marry me, first, and, I'm not marrying you based on kink alone. If you are a man who wants a basically 'normal' relationship, but, with an emphasis one or the other being in charge of the other, we can talk about that, too. If you are going to go on about how the person in charge is always right, that the other one has no rights, that one sex or the other is superior or more worthless than the other one, that one of us should never have any fun and should be treated worse than a dog, etc. I don't want to hear from you. That's just fantasy b.s.  I'm in it for real.

6/9/2011 6:44:33 PM As there has been some interest in this 'position', let me break it down, for you, what it would mean to be my slave. I have a big backyard, where a portable storage shed would fit, quite nicely. This is where you would be stored, after you either purchased or built one that was big enough for you to sleep in, store your basic necessities (work clothes) in, and, that would also be able to house such things as rake, shovel, outdoor broom, etc. The storage shed would be where you sleep, eat, do your toileting.  There would be a self-filling water dish for you to drink from which you would be responsible for refilling as needed. There would be a portable toilet or chemical toilet, as you are able to afford and as you are willing and able to handle the maintenance of. You would be responsible for  proper ventilation, cleanliness, etc. You would be allowed a cot, pet pillow, blankets, or, other such things as a pet might be allowed, to sleep on.  On an assigned day of the week, you would scrub down the storage shed, clean your bedding, wash your laundry, and, do whatever else was necessary to maintain a decent level of cleanliness in your home.  If you pleased me, you might be allowed extra blankets in the wintertime, a portable air conditioner or fan in the summertime, or, to be allowed to sleep on the couch and use a real bathroom, on occasion. It would be a privilege, not a right.  Otherwise, you would only use the bathrooms to clean them, to shower for work, or, to perform tasks that I might need you to perform within them. I have a little bamboo rod, of sorts, which I may use liberally upon your back, thighs, arms, calves, or, the bottom of your feet, to inspire you to better service. This may be substituted for with any sort of paddle, hand, cane, crop, whip, belt, or, whatever else I see fit.  Your role would be as a worker. If I chose to allow you some measure of conversation, joining in of activities, it would be a privilege for you. The norm is this:  You would have no rights, except that you have basic food, shelter, clothing for work, health care as needed. Anything other than those things - no matter how small- that the average person takes for granted, is a privilege and is subject to forfeit, if you displease me, or, if I simply find it amusing to see you do without. You would have no right to privacy, and, no guarantee that you would not be loaned out. The only guarantee is that I would never loan you out for anything I, myself, would not use you for, unless, of course, you indicated a desire to participate and I was not morally opposed to it. You would work for wages, and, outside of those work hours, your time would be filled up with tasks related to bettering my life, my property, pleasing me by helping others. The only contract we would have between us is the one that would protect me f from possible future legal action or unwanted public exposure. I make no guarantees as to how long I would keep you,  nor any demands that you promise a set term of service. Just be aware that what you earn while you are with me, anything you give me, any additions to my property, anything at all that could be said to be a benefit that I derived from the relationship, is mine if and when it ends, regardless of the reason for it having ended. The exception to the immediately above is that I would be quite glad to make an agreement for full term service for a specific duration, such as someone from out of town coming to serve in a situation, like above, for a few weeks or a few months. In other words, you would be as close to a true slave as possible, and, it would not be some fantasy b.s. sex slave, all about making your cock happy, or, making your cock unhappy. Your cock doesn't concern me. You are only a slave. If you are up for that, then, we have something to discuss. If you think being a slave should be about more than that, then, go tell it to someone who cares for your opinion, or, who cares that you even have one.  That is what I want from a slave. Not what I want from a husband.

6/9/2011 1:45:33 PM The other day, after walking around the Mall a bit - a couple of hours after, that is- I went over to my sister's house, and, we ended up walking down to Circle K to hit up Redbox for some movies. That's about 7 or 8 blocks away from her house. Which, is mostly impressive, because, she doesn't walk anywhere, except, out to her car. lol  Yesterday, we did some of a dance workout, that I hate the name of and so shall not be sharing with you. It's very hard for me to do these things, because, of the Fibromyalgia and, because, one of my legs is shorter than the other and the insurance never paid for anything to be done about it. Nor, of course, did I have anyway to pay for it, myself. So, my balance is off, one of my legs is weaker than the other, etc. It is part of my being a work in progress.  Anyway, we did not do the whole workout, as there was not room, no one had plans to start doing it before we just sort of fell into it, so, no one had the right clothes or anything. Still, it was fun; and, afterward, we went swimming, which was even better. I sure am going to miss that swimming pool, when it is gone.

6/9/2011 9:18:58 AM lol my previous journal entry has already been misunderstood. My ID says 'MarriageWanted', because, I want a marriage. My journal entry speaks of the possibility of a service slave. Service slaves are not husbands, not even lovers. To assume that a woman cannot have a service slave and a husband, is about as silly as assuming she cannot have a vibrator, because she has a toilet brush, already; or, that she cannot have a husband, because, someone delivers the mail to her house. Totally different functions, rules, desires, etc. apply.

6/9/2011 3:25:58 AM Things are looking up, suddenly, in regards to a service slave. It's very early days, however.

6/8/2011 11:36:34 AM Sometimes, men point out movies to me, that involve a situation where a man is a slave or servant, and, the woman is in charge, and, they tell me this is their fantasy, or, ask me if it could be mine. Then, they go on about how they wish to grovel at my feet, be humiliated, beg, be abused. Yet, if you really think about it, those movies are never about men who are weak. They are about men who are in such situations due to circumstances outside their control, or, having made bad choices in life, or, who openly choose to pursue the woman and give to her. In other words, they are all men of strong character, sure of who they are, and, what they want.  Wimpy men are not attractive. Confident, caring, giving men are.

6/8/2011 2:35:27 AM I attend a Kingdom Hall, and, romantically speaking, I only wish to hear from men who would also like to attend a Kingdom Hall - whether it is that they have studied/are studying, are already baptized, or, have been involved but slacked off due to confusion on the bdsm issue, or ..  so long as they truly want it for themselves, not as something they will put up with. Recently, I have moved into a home, where the bills are rather small. I am sharing with a few people for now, but, if things work out, it will be my house, in my name, eventually, and, I have no desire to move out of it. So, I am looking for persons who are in Tucson or who are interested in relocating. If you are interested in relocating, you must be able to move within a decent time period, with no expectations of money being provided by me for you to do so, and, every expectation of this being a relationship that develops in semi-ordinary ways, such as dating, hanging out with friends and family - you will not be immediately moving in, it will not be all about sex or whips. Those things will be discussed after or during the time it takes to get to know each other as people. If you are primarily interested in my profile because you are one of those chubby chasers, you may as well move on. For one thing, not all poundage is equal. There are women who weigh far less than I do, who wear much larger sizes. I've got good muscle and bone structure. For another, the weight is the result mostly, of long term stress and a lack of proper medical care. So, I may be smaller some day, and, I don't want a husband who will suffer disappointment as a result. If you look to the left, you will see  some things that I am truly not interested in. This does not mean I will not talk to people who are involved in them, but, it does mean I will not consider them romantically.  This also doesn't mean I have no other limits or criteria.  And, yes, I have been here, before. I may be here, again.

6/6/2011 4:37:04 PM 'And at this time am seeking ladies that need somone in their lives to help them get there lives back in order. I am sure the ladies that are seeking help in there lives understands what i am saying,but to help you some i will go into more detail. Ladies that need to get their lives back in focus,those that need someone around to help them with problems they are having with behavior and needs direction and structure again in there lives. Some that will hold them accountable for there actions and be there for support. Areas that i find most ladies need support in are procrastination,spending,weight control,money issues,household issues( cleaning and most home issues),attitude,respect' I say, quoting from someone else's profile; which, said profile, intrigues me, to a point. However, reading between the lines, what I see is someone who would have preset notions of how women are, what they all need, how it's all behavioral issues, etc. Because, in the main, that is what men who say these things mean. Unfortunately, what they offer, it is not what I need. I could use some help getting my life in order. Not back in oder, as , order was never what I had, except when I had the time and energy to exert my full control on a given situation. And, that is rather the point:I do not have the time or energy to look after every little aspect. I do not have the money to procure every needful thing - and, I do mean needful, not just desired. So, yes, I could very much use someone to help me get my house in order, but, not by them causing me more stress, ordering me about and threatening to paddle my behind.  It would be by them listening, following orders, working hard, and, having the desire to make life more pleasant for me. Thusly, would these areas, the ones he mentioned that I do have trouble in, be straightened out. Because, I know what I need,  need to do, etc.  It's a matter of not having the time, money, amount of arms, etc. needed to get it done  Now, don't get me wrong! I don't know him, the person I quoted. He could have 1,000 good ideas, be willing to pitch in and help fix things that need to be fixed, drive people places they can't get to otherwise, or, all sorts of things that would be as helpful as a slave could be, without humbling himself to that position. Why not? I've done it for my slaves, and, I had it done for me by my Master when I was a slave, when he could do it. But, the photo is of a chair with a paddle on it, so, I am fairly certain it would be a case of spankings as reminders, spankings as punishment, spankings as a reward, etc.  lol

6/5/2011 1:09:23 PM As I just was telling a friend of mine, I made the mistake of writing to an open-minded person again - the sort who claims to be open-minded, that is. I don't know why I do these things, as, they almost always turn out to be such bigots. Well, I won't go into it, not even what a hypocritical, horribly close-minded answer he made in reply to my well meaning advice in regards to the usage of titles among deities, which was all about actual rules of language and not religion, because, there is no point. What I will do is post my reply to him, here, because, the chickenshite prude, who wants religious freedom without being at all willing to dish it out to others, blocked me, after his hateful reply, rather than to stand up like a man, like the dominant person of intellect he claims to be, and, read the answer to his words. Knowing the sort of man he is, I am quite sure he will be skulking by, to see what damage he has done, to the woman he perceives as being a threat, and, so, will read it, all the same as if he was not hiding in his fear: Oh, this is what passes for open-mindedness, is it? I speak to you of linguistic, literary errors, and, you viciously attack me for my beliefs, and twist my words around in an attempt to make it look the opposite. I do hope you read it, again, when you are less full of anger, insecurity, or whatever other uncalled for emotion you are full of, and, take it as it was meant, as it was stated that it means: Eros is a god, not the God, and, Eros was never claimed to be anything other than one of many of equal power. No one ever worshipped Eros as 'God'.  If you meant to imply that it was so, then, you are very badly educated, at best. Goodbye.

6/1/2011 2:09:01 PM Okay, for those who ask, let me see if I can simplify this concept:  I have nothing against slavery (though, I do have many things against racism and sexism), and, I certainly am all for discipline, someone seeking to please me and fulfill my needs, etc.  If someone came to me wanting to be a slave - just a slave, as in a worker, an obedient person, with no romantic ties or sexual expectations - I would consider them. However, what I am looking for, what this profile is about, is a relationship that has all the great and wonderful things that should be in a marriage, including the enhancement of, unlike most modern marriages, two people being themselves and letting their true personalities and desires out to play. In other words, some activities that many people imagine fall only under the category of bdsm (spankings, bondage, caging, etc) could, probably would, and, maybe should, be involved, simply because they are fun and desirable things to do; but ... I am not basing a relationship on those things, as they are an enhancement of life, not life itself.

6/1/2011 10:51:51 AM Finally got the internet working, this morning, though my phone usage is still a questionable thing.  Applied for a job that is paying $5 per hour more than I am getting now, and, which may be a full time job, instead of the extremely part time one that I've had for years, now. Hoping that, if I do get it, I will still be able to keep the current job, too And, boy oh boy, do I hope I get it. Imagine, being able to pay all my bills. Luxury!

5/30/2011 10:55:28 PM So, I'm watching this movie, wherein a woman (who has had many bad things happen, already) comes home to find the words 'Fucking Moron Die' written on her bedroom wall, in some icky medium or another.  Then, she scrubs it off, erasing the evidence. Then, she jumps into the shower and scrubs her hands, while hyperventilating and making a lot of noise. Then, she takes a bath, and, fails to notice several screws falling out of the wall. The screws were holding up a heater that, for some reason, was set into the wall in a position where, minus a few screws, it would just topple in, and, possibly kill her.  There were other things. All of which amounted to one big fact shining clear: Whomever wrote that on the wall called it dead to rights.

5/29/2011 7:10:20 AM It is true that I am a woman who is dominant, but, the keyword is not dominant, it is woman. I am open to, and, able to thrive in varying styles of relationships, so long as they are based on love, passion, honesty, understanding, and, acceptance of the individual.   To my mind, there are three basic kinds of dominant women - ones who want to control the men out of fear, ones who want to control the men out of fear, and, those who simply know themselves and are self assured, but, who are not using bdsm or their 'dominance' as a safety net, but, are truly just predisposed toward strength of character. The latter is me.   The thing is, about that sort of dominance is that, being self-assured means being able to live comfortably around men who feel the same, regardless of whether the man wants to be head of the house, equal partners, or, basically a slave in the home.    Therefore, not being afraid of men, not needing 'a' man to make my life complete, what I search for is the right man. And, that is all wrapped up in personality, religious inclinations, moral standings, hobbies, etc.