Monday, July 18, 2011

Journal Entries for SlavesNotToys: Pt. 9

7/4/2011 3:27:18 PM
 In order to serve, one must step away from the very desires that led them there in the first place    

Read that on someone's profile. It's good advice.. and, really bad advice. Which is to say, it depends on what desires led you to serve, in the first place. Sometimes you don't need to step away from them, but, to embrace them more openly.

How do you know which to do? In the end, in this, like in everything, you must learn to listen to your mind, body, and, spirit. Consult your moral compass, and, if you can't find it, build one.  
7/4/2011 7:46:54 AM
Good morning! It is a lovely 7:23 in the a.m, and, the steam is rising from the ground, nicely.
We had a storm last night. A lovely one, with crazy amounts of rain all pouring down at once and the sort of lightning that makes one wonder if the house will stand up to the sonic booms reverberating through the air.
Unfortunately, after all this time of waiting for the storm that seemed likely to approach, giving me some small hope of feeling a touch of cool inside this warm and steamy abode, I came to find there was a problem I had not previously considered.
Here was I, too tired to drag myself out of bed, and, here were my daughter and her girlfriend, racing about, shutting all the windows, effectively blocking out all the cool, and, leaving only the dampened air, leaking into the overly warm house, thereby allowing the storm to make life worse, not better. 
I'll never understand people who think that, in Arizona, a storm means one should immediately shut everything down, when, it is one of the few ways to possibly feel an outside temperature that is lower than the temperature of one's own blood, and, a good way to save a little cost in electricity as well. Mind you, if the winds are such that they are driving gouts of rain in through the windows, that is different. However, the rain was falling mostly straight down. 
Well, they took me by surprise, since I had never expected two persons, who generally are so irresponsible with their dishes, to break out into such boring and adult behavior, just when one needed them to, most, thrive upon the wonders of the natural world. Next time, I will know better and be prepared.
 On to thoughts of slavery.
I will point out to you - without you making reply to me, here - your own words. ' who i can serve and obey without question or hesitation'
You questioned, you hesitated, more than once. You could have served me without that, but, you have done, and, now, you are not serving me. Read my journal entry. Do not message me on CM, as you have followed nothing my profile says to do.
That, above, is the last message I sent to a certain person, who claimed he understood what I was seeking, who claimed he would be glad to serve me in the ways I wish to be served, and, who then proceeded both to speak of eventually getting married to each other and started questioning my legitimacy, because, I did not speak to him on the phone.
Well, let us get one thing straight about phones. I will, indeed, speak to someone on them, if I have to, and, if the phone is working, if I have reason to believe the person is serious about serving me. However, we had not talked that long, he had already told me he would take five months to relocate because he didn't want to lose his $600.00 deposit (which, means, he was not thinking as a slave, or, putting service as any sort of priority or he would have asked me, or simply told me what the situation was and let me decide whether I preferred him to retain the $600.00 or come along sooner), and, my phone is not working, just now. 
Well ,it is, sort of, after a fashion. There is a phone that can work, somewhat, which has to be used in the bedroom of my daughter and her girlfriend, for now. I am waiting for a better phone jack to be installed, so that I do not have to stand around and use the phone in their bedroom, and, that should be done on the 5th or 6th, as I explained to him. This is just some of the inevitable problems associated with being poor and moving into a new home. And, I am quite blisteringly poor. 
Anyway .. 
If one wishes to serve without hesitation, without question, one must realize that serving and being served are two sides of the same coin. They must work together. Both must put in the effort. I can tell you that you are allowed to serve me, but, it does me no good to say it, unless, you have the intention, will, and, necessary moxie to begin serving. The only way you will know if you can serve me without hesitation is by trying it, a little, seeing how it goes, and, progressing to deeper service.
I cannot force you to begin serving me, and, if I could, I would not. I do not want a miserable slave, that I have to worry about the activities of, especially around rat poison and my lemonade.  lol  I want someone who knows they want to serve, who intends to serve, and, who actually, when given the chance, will begin to serve.
I know these people exist, as I used to be one of them; and, besides, I have met some, more recently than I have been one, who were too far away or too taken, but, who showed, in attitude and action, that this is what they were.
So, if you are a 'slave' who thinks you want someone you can serve, without hesitation, stop hesitating, and, begin to serve. However, remember, that the use of caution is not the same thing as hesitation.
 

7/3/2011 7:55:39 PM
SeekingRMSlave
mistressarletta
Utilitarian
DangerousArt
TaskMistressAZ
midlifecrisisBBW
needrmslave
MonogamousLove
Those, above, are the IDs that I have used, in the last couple of years or so, that I know still exist on this site. Some of them I specifically attempted to have deleted, and, some of them, knowing how often things fail to be deleted, I simply changed some info on, when I left, so that I would have a harder time coming back to this place.Because, this site is like smoking, to me - it's bad for me, it causes a lot of stress, costs too much in time and money, but, it feels good at the time and sometimes seems like the only thing worth doing. lol
Anyway, for those who want to learn more about me, to decide if they'd be interested, to see if I sound like a real person, scoping the older profiles might just help. And, I do understand why you would want to be more sure, before you did as my profile requests. It's just that, I cannot spend several hours per day, on this site, chatting or emailing with several people, explaining and re-explaining my thoughts, feelings, positions, etc. It's too much for me. And, the point of having slaves is to take away burdens, not add more. So, I need some absolute proof that you are serious in your intentions, and, that you have read and understood what I am seeking, what I have to offer, etc., before I can even consider expressing an interest in knowing you. I'm too exhausted and too busy for anything else.
Last time I was on here, I was getting between 120 - 900 emails per day, every day. That would be from between 5 -25 people, maybe more on some days. Out of all of those, one man told me he understood, he wanted to serve me in the ways I wanted, and, all that. But, when we started talking off this site, he started talking about us getting maried. So, no, he did not understand. 
So, there was several weeks wasted. 
I can't make this my full time job, be your sounding board, be your entertainment for the evening, unless you are willing to pay for my time. So, that's the point of what I said in my profile. The people who are not serious won't pay, and, that's fine - because, I, also, will no longer be wasting my time on them.
 

7/3/2011 1:46:49 PM
I used to gather up these affirmations and try to get groups started, doing what we did in this one class, where we'd read them aloud, then, write what they made us think, think of, or, remember. Which, then, we could also share aloud, or not, as we chose.
The class was beautiful, though it was hard to do these sort of things. It was not just the boldness of public speaking, but, the purposeful allowance of intimacy. Very powerful stuff, that.
Just ran into an old file, and, felt like sharing them with you, because, they all mean something to me. One of them is, currently, at the head of my profile, because, I find it to be so true.
“I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again.” — Stephen Grellet, French/American religious leader (1773-1855)
'Men are only great as they are kind.' — Elbert Hubbard, American entrepreneur and philosopher (founder of Roycroft) (1856-1915)
'What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?' — Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher (1712-1778)
“A kind word is like a spring day.” — Russian proverb
'No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.' — Aesop, Greek fabulist (fl. 6th century B.C., possibly legendary)
“Our duty is to be useful, not according to our desires but according to our powers.” — Henri F. Amiel, Swiss writer (1821-1881)
'If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it.' — Lucy Larcom, American poet (1826-1893)
'There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.' — Edith Wharton, American novelist (1862-1937)
Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out. — Frank A. Clark
“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” — Albert Pike, Scottish Rite Freemason (1809-1891)
“We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.” — Seneca, Roman statesman, dramatist and Stoic philosopher (4 B.C.?-65 A.D.)
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” — Mohandas Gandhi, Indian nonviolent civil rights leader (1869-1948)
“If one man dies, it is a tragedy; if a thousand men die, it is a statistic.” — Unknown
'You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.' — Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1882)
“One must care about a world one will never see.” — Bertrand Russell, British mathematician and philosopher (1872-1970)
“It is the characteristic of the magnanimous man to ask no favor but to be ready to do kindness to others.” — Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384-322 B.C.)
“Unshared joy is an unlighted candle.” — Spanish proverb
“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” — Swedish proverb
“You have not lived a perfect day, even though you have earned your money, unless you have done something for someone who cannot repay you.” — Ruth Smeltzer
“Compassion is the basis of morality.'' — Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher (1788-1860)
'Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.' — Albert Schweitzer, French Nobel Peace Prize-winning mission doctor and theologian (1875-1965)
 
 
 

7/3/2011 8:40:29 AM
Good morning! 
First, this morning, let me say that if you are the Irishesque slave from Florida or the Englishman from Pennsylvania -or, not any sort of potential slave at all - you might be an exception to the rules. However, as the rules exist, in the main, to keep me from wasting time that could be used for pursuits that will actually make my life better, you, equally, may not be; especially if you have profile photos I will not enjoy.
Queue the black man with the 12 foot dong, sending me his usual 'Welcome to CM' crotch shots. 'Whoops! Don't look down!' (sigh) He has a very disturbing face, this man, which reminds me, somewhat, of an effeminate bat. I think he's one of the creatures from Dusk Til Dawn, only, you know, the one that the other creatures from Dusk Til Dawn won't invite to their parties, because, he plucks his eyebrows and sends crotch shots to his food supply.
What I don't understand is, why these people never get tired of the same old emails and photos, and, change them up. There are so many people on this site - or, at least so many profiles- that never, ever change. Several of them are people who claim to want to meet people, but, who never actually quite relocate - as they claim they are on the verge of doing -- or make it across town, even. Most of them have the same photo they had in 1997, as well as the same exact information, and, most of them are the first people to start accusing someone of being fake, simply because they leave the site and come back, rewrite their profile, or, other things that normal humans, in fact, do. 
What I, further, don't understand is how someone could keep the same ID all these years, get reported by me, repeatedly, all these years, as scam artists, spam, for vulgar photos, for vulgar text, and, yet, still have not accumulated enough complaints to warrant a thrubbing; especially when I know other people have reported them, as well.'
Right now, Doctor Jeff, who is always about to relocate to work at a hospital fairly near to where I live - no matter what State I have been in, or, which country I said I would be moving to, over the years- is writing to me, again. You know Doctor Jeff, don't you? Has  a wonderful head shot of some upper middle age/younger old age silver-haired actor. Jeff - handsome, sweet smiled Jeff - has been exactly the same age, since before I had any gray to my hair at all. My children have grown up and Jeff has not aged. Jeff, if he is alive, is Dorian Gray, or, a vampire!
How stupid do you think I am, Jeff? And, why, if you must scam, can't you take a look at the photos, go 'Oh, wait, I've hit on that one over thirty times now. Maybe I'll give it a miss!' It's not as if it's going to do you any good. You fooled me, once, and I agreed to meet with you, when you relocated. You did not relocate, you stopped talking to me, I realized, when you messaged me again with exactly the same wording as the first time, that you are not real, and, that should have been that.
Wait, that's two vampire references! Oh, man! The blood is about to rain down from the ceiling, isn't it? 
 

7/3/2011 2:26:40 AM
And, now, he's written me 6 more emails, 5 of them from other profiles. lol

7/3/2011 2:15:17 AM
lol  My 'favorite' alleged New Yorker, alleged Londoner, alleged wherever else he claims to be from, scam artist has just written me. I did not respond to him, of course, since he has not followed my instructions. and, since I know him to be a scammer, who sends viral emails. Yet, he brings up some interesting points that others also bring up, from time to time, in his second email. Therefore I shall address them, here, for the sake of saving others time from bringing them up, later.
 




Madam,
 
Your profile is very lenthy and detailed. Sadly you contradict yourself in it and that will either confuse or put off entirely the very few who are genuine. 
 
Do I? Where? I have written it, read it several times, tweaked it here and there, and, have yet to find a single contradictory statement. Funny how I am told I contradict myself, and, yet, no one can point out to me where it is. However, I believe he means to imply that I am contradicting myself by saying that I don't want Power of Attorney or to take over anyone's bank account, and, then saying that financial service is an aspect of the total service required. That is not contradictory, though; just an explanation of degree (intensity) of service.
 
 
Your demand for $20 to be sent to you is contrary to collarmesrules and puts you in the catagory of either pro domme or scammer. Few will send you any money.
 
To the best of my knowledge it is not contrary to the rules of this site. If it is, then, someone who follows the rules would be the best person to point that out to me. Which means, someone who does not send emails that are 12 paragraph, or so, long spam novels, complete with vulgar photos of genitalia, to anyone - especially not to the person who has made it clear that she wants not to see such photos, and, does not welcome emails from anyone, except under specific circumstances.
I have given my reasons for what I have asked, and, no, it does not put me in the position of being a pro domme, as I am not demanding money for specific bdsm services, but, I am pointing out that I get paid $10 per hour for my work that I do, on the computer, at home; and, if someone is expecting me to devote my time to them, they'd darned well better be prepared to pay for it, since it is a valuable commodity and has been wasted by the hundreds of hours, by people like the one who wrote this crap to me. 
It does not put me in the category of a scammer, because, I have every intention of giving just exactly what I have promised: up to 2 hours of my time. My time costs that much, and, sometimes a good deal more, since some work I do, I get paid $50 per hour, some $26 per hour, and, some $100 for seven questions. Only someone who has no intention of stepping out of his fantasy life, and, actually furthering a relationship between us would consider it to be a scam. Which, by the way, is exactly what this man does, with his links, that, if you click them, load viruses on to your computer, with keyloggers, in an attempt to find out all your passwords and bank account numbers. That's a scam! A genuine address, a genuine reason behind the request, is not a scam. It may be audacious, but, then, whomever wanted a Mistress that would bore them into submission?
And, yes, very few people will send me money. I know. That's the point! Only the ones who are serious about serving will do so. The rest, having had their wallet threatened, having had their fantasy life spoiled by actual expectation of obedience and usefulness rearing its ugly head, will not only not follow the instructions, but, in the majority, they will not even bother to write. This works out nicely, for all concerned, as, then, my time is not wasted, and, they have no obligation to pay for time from me, which they have no use for.
 
People have vastly different ideas about what slavery actually is and if their philosophy disagreeswith your own then they will never respond to you. In short you are your own worsed enemy.
Again, that is the point. I do not want people who are in philosophical disagreement with me to contact me. If this is what happens, then, I have succeeded in my mission. Unfortunately, he did contact me, so, apparently, it's not fool proof.
Most people who enter and become members of any lifestylewebsite on the internet, no matter were situated are in fact parasites and not genuine lifestylers. Fewslaves live local to any person advertising for such.
Again, that is the point of my profile and the requests therein. I don't want the majority, the parasites like the person who wrote to me that I have been quoting, but, only the people who genuinely wish to serve me.
 
There has to be compromise on both sides of those who are genuine slaves or owners otherwise nothing will be achieved and both sides will get nowhere.
In some respects, this is true. However, until I know that the slave is genuine, I have no reason to waste my time on considering compromises. Afterward, well .. I did mention that they will tell me their limits, needs, etc., and, it wasn't mentioned just to hear myself type.
 
Any mention of Godwillput the majority of genuine folks off because in factual reality no God actually exists but people are entitled to delude themselves.




Any mention of an alleged factual reality, where God supposedly does not exist, puts me off.  Since I am seeking slaves who are willing and able to live with me, by my standards, and, at least to respect my beliefs, them being put off by my belief, or me being put off by their lack, is nothing more than an indication of unsuitability and a welcome one, as it helps further the process of sorting out the wheat from the chaff.
Should a Mistress change her beliefs to suit the slaves? Then, she would be a scam artist, indeed! 
If it puts the majority of folk off, so much the better, as I am not seeking the majority, who, on this site, are not even related to bdsm, much less genuine. I only want to hear from the special people, who understand that bdsm is not just sex, greed, or, forcing your beliefs onto others, and, in fact, should pretty much never be about those things, even if those things get included in the total package of a relationship.
 

7/2/2011 12:20:33 PM
'Can you be strict?' he asked me (not on this site, or, I would have blocked him for it). 
I have just announced that, not only will my slaves, most likely, be living in a shed, but, that they are not even allowed to discuss serving me, with me, until they make it worth my time. And, still I am asked, if I can be strict?
He also asked if I believe in high protocol eye and speech restrictions. Who, however, created these high protocols? Was it me? I don' t remember doing so. Am I born to follow every last silly little rule out of the Great Big Book of Domming? I don't think so! 
There is no such thing as 'high' protocol. There is what I want, and, what I do not. When I tell you it is my protocol, it is always high, as it is your priority.
He wants to marry his owner.  I don't marry slaves. Am I chattel? Let slaves keep to their own level! We are done.
All he asked was .. something other than what I already said I would find acceptable. Something other than I had already told him was possible, and, yet, even after I explained to him why it was not possible, even after I directed him to this profile and told him to follow what it said, he still asked. We are done.
If he had wanted to serve me, he would have made the effort to listen, to obey, and, to serve me, rather than himself. He would not have put the potential loss of a $600 deposit as a priority over becoming mine. We are done.
Oh, but, do astound me, 'slave'. Act as a slave, and, beg. What a nice change of pace that will be, from all this asking, telling, and, expectation of privileges. 

    
 

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