Journal Entries for SlaveRMneeded: Pt. 4

2/15/2011 9:15:46 AM For those who want to be kept up to date: It looks like the 4-plex is a no-go. There is a program for helping people with down payment assistance, but, only for single family residences. Without that help, I would still need about $6,000.00 more for down payment and closing costs.  Not to mention better credit than I have now, because, my sister - who is the only one who will qualify for the loan, will not do it.  This, despite all the babysitting I have done for her, buying her groceries when she didn't have enough money to support her and her son, the fact that Istepped aside, when I was going to get help from our lovely parents in finding a place, because she was living in a horrible, broken down trailer; and, everyone promised that, in a year or two, they would help me. Now, she says the only way she would get the loan is if she pays half the mortgate and utilities and gets half the building.  Which would rather defeat the purpose of trying to get my own place, and, it would really defeat the purpose of trying to get a place where I could either rent out apartments, for the sake of having an income, or, have slaves, or, maybe,  even both.  And, now, my lap top, which is a tool I need to do my wage work, is dying. So... yeah.   .... and, then, my lap top started charging again, so, that's something!

2/15/2011 8:55:32 AM By the way, that, below, is meant to be a bit of a joke - in some ways. Those of you who know me, know it is not true. The point is that, it is not about money, and, it is not about flesh, so, it makes no bloody sense to compare someone who wishes to truly OWN the slave, with someone who submits to being used to get their bills paid. I do not submit to being used; nor, do I expect slaves to submit to being used. 'Used' is a negative thing. I want a positive relationship with the people in my life. Utlized, useful, put to good usage, being used (as in accustomed), yes.  Being used (as in taken advantage of) no. If I wanted that, I could have had all sorts of slaves, by now - so called slaves, that is. It is not what I desire, and, it is certainly not what I require. As I recently told a potential slave boy, a household wherein a man is thirsty,and, another man thirsts to fetch hilm a drink, is a beautiful thing. Everyone is happy, fulfilled.The man who is thirsty continues with his labors, and, is happy not to have had to leave his work; the other is happy, because, he was allowed to be of use. If you can't get your mind around the difference between 'being of use' and 'beiing used', then, I do not want you in my life. If that is the case, it doesn't matter how much work you might do, or, what you can pay for: I have no use for you.

2/14/2011 6:49:36 PM If I had less morals, I'd be a whore  It takes a lot less effort, and, has better pay, than being a Mistress. And, they aren't even expected to dress up and entice people. A lot of them are out there in sweat pants, no makeup, sores on their faces, and they still get their rent paid.   And, yet, I am often told I am just like a whore, because I want to own a slave (and, not have sex with it), who, I would give my time and attention to, setting rules and guidelines for its delight, as it served me for mine. Accepting it's service and devotion with tender affection in return, and, giving it what it needs to feel fulfilled.   (sigh)   If you think that's like being a whore, just because I also need to have money to live, despite the long, long hours of service on the other side of the TPE coin, that I put into the relationship, when the money is actually part of the TPE, then, you have to be crazy.   However, call me a whore, be crazy. I don't care. Just do it, while fetching the whip I'll crack against your hide for saying so, then, get your slave arse down to  the office and pay my rent.    lol

2/14/2011 12:30:24 PM I want a weirdo Someone who is so fundamentally weird that he doesn't need tattoos to prove it, and, if he has them, it's because he felt more like 'Oh neat!' or 'Oh, cool!' then, 'Yeah, that's the image I want to present to the world.' Someone bohemian in a Jesus-fashion. Which means? Knowing his own mind,  having his moral compass, not pulling punches,but, not beating others over the head for no reason, either. Someone who thinks first of kindness, peace, love; who would rather sit in a cluttered room full of good books than a 'Home and Garden Masterpiece'. Someone who is not afraid to be a man, so, is not afraid to experience me as a woman. Someone who wants to grok me. The kind of man who could walk into a room full of other people dressed for a cocktail party, him wearing mud-stained bell bottoms and t-shirt with no explanation for how his wardrobe slipped back that far in time, and, not being ashamed- but, yes, going to change, if it's an option. A happy man. A man who, whether Latin or not, is a 'Latin lover': passionate, steadfast, loyal to the darling of his heart. And, I will be the darling of his heart. A man who serves, not because I am female, but, because I am me. And, that is, also, why he accepts the good things I give him, do for him, instead of judging me as weak simply for being kind. A lover of garlic and spices, sweet things, textures; a sensualist, ready to experience life's joys. A man who can yield, just as well as he can pull hair and growl sweet, dirty words of love. Now, I could say that I want him to be a Scotsman, or brown eyed, or full lipped, or a certain man, or a rider of motorcycles, or clad in black leather, or tall as tall can reasonably get without bordering on the ridiculous. And, it is true, if he were those things, especially if he had clown tattoos, I'd love him very well. But, if he were not? If his alleged fault was shortness of leg, or having been born nearer to Chicago than to Edinburgh? Would I eschew him? No. I want a weirdo, who wants me.

2/11/2011 9:27:39 PM Is there any such thing out there as either 1) A slave who just wants to serve, be owned, without it being about sex or sexual deviancy, pain, torture, or pretending to be an animal or sub human of some sort? 2) A man who wants a good, monogamous marriage where two people love each other, but, the woman is in charge, anyway? Obviously, with sex, but, still .. you know .. Where it is about the people, the rules, etiquette, control, personality, meeting of the minds, and that sort of thing, not just flesh and acts that are bound to cause diseases? Anyone? Because, you know, I am reading the Mary Stewart books on Merlin,again, and there is all sorts of servants and serving going on in them, and, nowhere in there is anyone getting whipped for fun, used as a toilet, forced to serve in the nude, or sexed up by their owners. Nowhere! And, that's all I want is a nice, normal relationship with someone I own. In fact, some of the servants were married to other people, and/or having sex when they were not needed for their duties.  Weird, huh? (sigh)

2/10/2011 12:56:03 AM Ah, now this is the life.Thought I was going to bed, after reading a bit from a Mary Stewart book. Not just any book, mind you, but, the trilogy related to Merlin, all bound into one big book. Nice reading! Instead, three little slave girls showed up, with vodka, cranberry juice, limes, and lime juice, and, also a diet drink for me, just in case I didn't like what they had to offer. One slave girl cleaned my kitchen, getting on her hands and knees to scrub the floor, and, cleaning out the refrigerator, even. She went so far as to do a little in the bathroom and bedroom, too. Another one cut my hair with a razor blade. Then, they all ran off to get ice,  as they said the Cosmopolitan tastes much better with ice, which cuts the vodka taste out 'so you can drink lots and lots and have no idea how drunk you are, until you stand up', as the bartender for the evening put it. The other slave girl, if you are wondering, is mainly there to pay for the materials, because she loves one of the other girlsThey did all offer to let me spank them, for forgetting the ice, but, the one who really did the forgetting is the one that is most likely to enjoy it, so .. mmm .. no. Not tonight!

2/8/2011 1:31:52 PM WORSHIP? No: a. The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object. b. The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed. 1. To honor and love as a deity. 1. To participate in religious rites of worship. Yes: 2. Ardent devotion; adoration. 2. To regard with ardent or adoring esteem or devotion 2. (tr) to be devoted to and full of admiration for 3. (intr) to have or express feelings of profound adoration 5. (tr) Obsolete to honour

2/7/2011 3:18:56 AM One day, someone is going to explain men to me ....and, I am going to go 'Yuck! Now, why did I want to have sex with one of those?'  No, seriously ... Why, oh why, do men write to me and act like they want  a response, and, then, when they get one, they read it and don't reply. Oh, sometimes they do reply, a week later, or a month later, or half a day later. For so many of them, though, there seems to be no clue in their head that if someone responds to them, or initiates contact, that someone is generally hoping to have a response. For my part, if I write you a message and you read it, and, you don't at least explain why you don't have time to fully read it and respond, yet - especially if you've been online several times since then - I am going to assume you are no longer interested or that you have sent out feelers to several women at once and have put the rest of them ahead of me. And, I will delete your emails and stop trying. That's how life works. If you cease to show interest, so do I, regardless of how interesting your opening email or profile is.

2/6/2011 9:35:18 PM VyciCyberiaI do not know her, but, if she ever finds out, she will forgive me for posting her ID up, because nothing bad is going to be said about her here. She is young, granted, and, many people run away from the young, because they have yet to be 'trained' into their role.However, from the little bit I have read of her profile and journal, which I only did because it caught my eye as I was logging in, she is a woman who seems to be naturally dominant, as opposed to the greedy/spoiled things that really do need acting lessons on how to pretend to be dominant.Why? She was writing about someone who called her a fake. It was not insulting, accusatory,and it included her reply to this person. Her reply was authoritative, yet, conversational. Very reasonable. I'm impressed.

2/6/2011 8:43:29 PM And, then, I died of boredom.

2/6/2011 1:54:47 PM Limits   I love people who can tell me what their limits are, as, these are people who smack of truthfulness, thoughtfulness, and, a sincere desire to build a life around the position they seek with me. Especially it smacks as truthful, because, most people say 'no limits' and, yet, I find them to be chock full of limits. 'I will not serve you if you won't Queen me.' is a limit. By the way, if I was going to Queen you, it would involve me sitting on a fancy chair, and, you following orders, as that is the sort of things that happen when you are granted an audience with a Queen. You are not a fancy chair, however: you are a human being - and, one that needs to learn to keep their nose out of my business, figuratively, in more than one sense. 'I must be torn down and degraded.' is a limit. Look at the wording. It is a must. That makes it a limit. You are placing limitations on the possibility of a relationship. If the person wants to laud you and build you up, you'll have no truck with them - you must be torn down and degraded. So, apparently, your hard limits are being treated with respect, being valued as property, being treated as human, and, a few other silly things that one should never limit. A slave who had no limits, in truth, would be just as happy to be serving, if he were forced to wear a violet wig, a strap on over his nose, hot pink fishnets, and a fireman's coat, while he washed dishes as he would be to sit quietly in a corner, looking pretty in a Brooks Brothers suit, until he was needed. He could sleep on a king-sized waterbed, with three slave girls to attend to his every need, drink only the best wine and eat only the best of gourmet foods from silver goblets and golden platters, and, still, humble himself as a slave. Even if his Mistress sat at his feet and begged to suck him off, every half hour or so. Now, I am not suggesting a slave should live that way. I am saying, if you cannot be a humble slave while living that way, then, you do have limits. If you would like to speak to your relatives, again, or would like to be kept from them, you have limits. If you want the world to know that you are a slave, or, if you would prefer your Mistress not run down the street shouting 'Look at him. He likes to be chained up and spanked. He wants me to sleep with other men!' you have limits. Therefore, stop your 'no limits' silliness, unless, you truly do not care if you live, die, are treated as a King, are maimed to inefficiency, are forced to wear women's clothes, are forced not to wear women's clothes, are castrated are not castrated, dream of being cast in a Viennese opera, would like to be forced to listen to rap music, or etc. Limits is not BDSM related alone, or sex related alone, you know? A slave's life is not all sex or whips. And, even if questions on limits did only refer to those two areas, you have to be observant, have a look around, realize there is no common ground, no consensus on sanity, present; so, don't expect someone to understand what 'the usual limits' mean. For one thing,bringing up castration or beheading is not usual, and either is bringing up pedophilia; yet, for people who are into those things, they would not be covered under 'the usual.' so, if you told them, 'My limits are the usual.' they would be all happy in the knowledge that you wanted the same thIngs they do. Thusly would many of you so-called 'no limit' people be in for an unpleasant surprise, when you came hom from work to find little Jimmy beheaded by the same axe that is now headed for your balls.   The point? Really, I have to tell you? Okay: Figure out what you want, what you need, and, what you absolutely could not do without it destroying who you are as a person. These needs and need not to do's are your limits. The wants are where you hope to find futher common ground, but, should be prepared to compromise on.   Thank you for listening ... assuming you have.